so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
