Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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