I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
The Olympian is in my bed
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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