You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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