i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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