I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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