so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
