My underwear smells like fireworks.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize