woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Randomize
