i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
