My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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