That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
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