I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize