If i come over, it means nothing
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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