So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Randomize
