Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
i barfeds in our rink
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Randomize
