am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
