I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
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