The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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