dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
