No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
