ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
our cab driver is having phone sex.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize