I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
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