i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
