to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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