I am midnight drunk by noon
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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