I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
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