big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
