I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Randomize
