Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize
