I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
