Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize