I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
