i may or may not be watching the land before time
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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