I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
