I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
