I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
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