guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize