Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
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