last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
