Sry I called you an 8
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I feel like death gave me a hand job
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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