Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
