I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
