Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
