i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
