Already got asked if we're dating
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Randomize
