Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
