I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Randomize
