I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
