It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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