just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
