Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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