break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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