I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
