So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
