in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
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