shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
