Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
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