I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
