there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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