how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
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