Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
