So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
