When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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