I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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