So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Randomize
