If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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