By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
