His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
